and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
