jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
