i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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