then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
