I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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