Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
