we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
