Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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