Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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