I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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