He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Are we still banned from the library?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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