I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
