I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Couch. On fire.
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