she woke up with a sticky ear
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
