i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
