That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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