I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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