apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
