If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
