is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Randomize
