Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize