so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
