Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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