i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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