I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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