hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
