I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
