I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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