Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Im part way to drunk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
