I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
