I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
