He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
