a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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