Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
