Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she told me i tasted like america
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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