so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
