can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
