You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
