My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
