A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
