I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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