i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
