Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
