in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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