hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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