Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
