i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
