I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
