At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
