would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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