if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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