I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
